Tag Archives: Dr. Sue Positive Entertainment

Dr. Sue Positive Entertainment – Fun, Educational, Inspiring Songs, Humor, and Advice for Positive Living

Dr. Sue Jazz Lincoln Center Johnny Rodgers Positive Entertainment

Lincoln Center Jazz

As twilight segued into evening behind the theatrical windowsof the Allen Room at Jazz at Lincoln Center, the stars inside offered a musical tribute to Broadway/Jazz composer Cy Coleman. Michael Feinstein, singing host/director narrated details of Coleman’s brilliant seventy year career (three Tony’s and a host of popular song standards.) Joining Feinstein onstage were musical director Ted Firth and four vocalists.

Johnny Rodgersflight vocalists

.Johnny Rodgers, a blast of impish energy fused with vocal/ piano chops and savvy showmanship, ignited jazz/Broadway standards: “I’ve Got Your Number” “The Best Is Yet to Come” and Will Rogers’ anthem “I Never met a Man I Didn’t Like.” Chuck Cooper, Tony Award Winner for The Life (Coleman’s portrayal of a pre-Disney, pimp-infested Times Square) brought the devil back from hell with his sinister rendition of the bluesy “Don’t Take Much.” Michele Lee, Tony-Nominated for her role in Coleman’s See Saw, played a funny, feisty, fallen angel – in recovery from an affair with a married man. A be-gowned Tamara Tunie (from TV’s Law and Order) belted “Big Spender” (Sweet Charity) and torched “He’s No Good (But I’m No Good Without Him)” an ode to the sweet misery of romantic addiction.

Johnny Rodgers Dr. Sue

Backstage, Johnny Rodgers shared details about his life and career with genial, boyish charm (“I always sang. My big brother threw pencils as me to get me to stop but it didn’t work.”) His big sister (also musical) wore down their parents’ resistance to buying a piano by drawing one on cardboard and pretending to practice, so Johnny got to play a real one – and still does, bouncing back and forth on stage from piano to vocal mike, and writing, performing and recording original songs ( including “I Would Never Leave You” for Liza Minelli). Born, raised, and trained in Miami (his grooves put the heat in Miami Heat), Johnny, who got noticed on the Chicago cabaret circuit, now travels the world as a musical ambassador for the State Department, and is poised to conquer the New York Cabaret and Jazz scene (next stop – a June 5 musical birthday party at the Iridium (1650 Broadway @ 51^st, NYC ) As the stars faded into the night sky and the traffic on Columbus Circle orbited twinkling head and tail lights outside the theatrical windows of this elegant jazz room, I thought about how far we’ve come – not only from the nostalgically seedy version of Times Square portrayed in Coleman’s The Life but also from the backwoods juke joints and New Orleans brothels that gave birth to the blues and Cy Coleman’s Broadway/jazz. Happiness/Success Habits Do What You Love: I love songs, singers, theatre, jazz and cabaret – that’s a major reason I write this blog. What do you love? Enjoy torch songs – but don’t live them! A great song and singer are as seductive as chocolate truffles. But helpless yearning for no-goodniks is not much fun in real life! On the other hand, Rodgers and Hammerstein’s “I’m In Love with a Wonderful Guy” doesn’t lend itself to bluesy jazz. Is the song worth the suffering? Personally, I like my bittersweet in blues and chocolate truffles – not romance. How ’bout you? (Editor/Photographer: Jay Berman)

Susan (“Dr. Sue”) Horowitz, Ph.D.

Book: “Queens of Comedy” (Lucille Ball, Carol Burnett, Joan Rivers, Phyllis Diller, and more!) www.smashwords.com/books/view/219367 Musical: “SssWitch”: www.ssswitch.net www.YouTube.com/drsuecomedian https://www.youtube.com/feed/my_videos

Theatre Museum Awards Gala Positive Entertainment

Theatre Museum

At the Theatre Museum Awards Gala, there were stars in everyone’s eyes –musical performers, award presenters, and award recipients – notably Stage Door Manor – a performing arts camp that presents an astonishing thirty-nine shows (plays and musicals) a season! Presenting the award was Richard Maltby, Jr. who conceived and directed two Tony-Award winning musicals (Ain’t Misbehavin’ and Fosse) and, as lyricist, co-created Tony-nominated Baby and Big – along with two gifted daughters, who are Stage Door Manor alum. Konnie Kittrell, accepting the Theatre Arts Education Award for owner Cynthia Samuelson, glowed: “Stage Door Manor is designed to create a community where dreams are shared and validated – a safe place for dreams to soar!” Our ebullient host was John Bolton musical theatre star (Christmas Story and touring companies of Music Man and Same Time, Next Year). Award recipients included Frederick O. Olsson, actor, master carpenter, stage hand (Career Achievement Award) who shared anecdotes about hauling up Cleopatra’s barge and auditioning for Richard Rodgers, Theatre Communications Group, and theatre historian Don B. Wilmeth. Presiding over the festivities were Theatre Museum Chairman Stewart F. Lane, five-time Tony-Award winning Producer, and President Helen Guditis. The Theatre Museum presents events and exhibits in many venues –honoring theatrical history and nurturing the stars of tomorrow. What better place to salute our theatrical heritage than the legendary Players Club? As we drank a champagne toast to the award recipients, presenters, and performers, I imagined that the portraits of stars of yesteryear (Sarah Bernhardt, Edwin Booth, John Barrymore, Jason Robards, etc.) also raised a ghostly, gleeful, glass! Happiness/Success Habits Celebrate your heritage, community, and common interests. There are many kinds of community (religion, ethnic, gender, family, work, friends, etc). Most of us belong to more than one community and have more than one heritage. and our need to belong can be satisfied in many ways. Celebrate and value the beauty and power of the arts and your own gifts, whether or not they lead to fame and fortune. The arts touch the heart, and free the spirit, and express the deepest self.

Susan (“Dr. Sue”) Horowitz, Ph.D.

Dr. Sue Duke Ellington Birthday Bash! Positive Entertainment

Duke Ellington Singers

The Duke Ellington Center for the Arts celebrated Duke’s 113^th birthday with a swingin’ blast at the historic Players Club in New York City. On stage was a twelve piece jazz orchestra directed by Frank Owens on piano with vocalists (Antoinette Montague and Marion Cowings). Right in front of the musicians, in true swing tradition were dancers who ran the spectrum –high-energy swing (The Mickey Davidson Swing Dancers)! tapping syncopations (Alexander Cowings) to ballroom grace (Michael Choi and his “peachy” partner)!! The event was hosted by ever-elegant Mercedes Ellington, Duke’s granddaughter, founder and President of the Duke Ellington Center for the Arts. “Duke Ellington Week is one of the most exciting weeks of the year for me, all jazz lovers and for Duke Ellington aficionados,” Mercedes says. “With more than 3,000 compositions, Ellington was the 20^th century’s most prolific composer in both volume and variety. His fame spread worldwide and he built a fantastic career as a musician, composer, songwriter, orchestra leader and innovator of American Music that began in the 1920’s and continued non-stop until his death in 1974! It is one of the missions of the Duke Ellington Center for the Arts to support the inspiration of all people to become Ambassadors for Peace and Harmony through the magic of the Arts—one note at a time.” The evening took us on a musical journey that celebrated Duke’s legacy, from his joyful “Take the A Train” through a medley of blues and ballads, and (after a pitstop for birthday cake), roared to a climax with a soulful singalong of Duke’s jazz anthem: “It Don’t Mean a Thing If It Ain’t Got That Swing!” Happiness/Success Habits: Do What You Love and Support the Arts! Performing, composing, and enjoying music are sources of joy! Live your passion –as an artist, and/or arts appreciator and/or arts educator! The arts are our cross-cultural glue. They reach beyond our differences and bring us together – as a multi-cultural nation and as citizens in a world community. They are an uplifting force, and many a child has risen above limited, negative circumstances on the wings of an artistic vision. The arts are our cultural legacy and vision of our future. Duke Ellington’s music is as American as grandma’s apple pie and as full of possibilities as a grandbaby’s first toddling steps. So bake it, shake it, and let freedom ring – ‘cause it don’t mean a thing if it ain’t got that swing!

Susan (“Dr. Sue”) Horowitz, Ph.D.

Dr. Sue Opera at the Grotta Azzurra Ristorante Positive Entertainment

The Enrico Caruso Room in Little Italy’s historic Grotta Azzurra Ristorante opened with operatic panache this week – and will continue with a weekly Tuesday evening series by featured duos plus Thursday night open mikes (with preference to advance sign-ups) all with the wonderful David Schaeffer on keyboards. After a delizioso dinner in the restaurant above, we descended into depths of the musical cellar and ascended to the heights of glorious opera – in a setting that was both warm and elegant. The opening show featured singers Shana Farr and Vincent Ricciardi, who offered a bravissimo blend of arias and selections from the classical repertoire – with a nod to operetta and musical theatre. The intimate setting of the downstairs grotto allowed for an up close and personal encounter with gorgeous singing and Italian-American history. And what a setting! Imagine a brick wine cellar with Romanesque arches displaying vintage memorabilia of the great Caruso –photographs, old acetate music discs and records, caricatures drawn by Caruso himself and other memorabilia, donated by Cav. Uff. Aldo Mancusi, founder and curator of the Enrico Caruso Museum in Brooklyn. Did you know that Enrico Caruso, the Italian-born tenor who ruled the international opera world in the late 19^th and early 20^th centuries, was the best-selling recording artist in the world in 1906? His acoustic recording of his theme song from the opera I Pagliacci outsold all concert and pop singers of the time? Neither did I, but this “homey” presentation of opera will your expand your cultural horizons, as the delizioso Italian food at the Grotta Azzurra Ristorante expands your um-waistline! Producers Mort Berkowitz and Les Schecter also host opera competitions and hope that the Thursday open mikes will offer “discovery” opportunities for young opera stars to be featured in the paid Tuesday night spots. I raise my glass of good Italian vino (wine) to their buona fortuna (good luck)! Happiness/Success Habits: Enjoy Your Comfort Zone…and Stretch It! I love listening to great singing and enjoying great food and wine – how about you? And even if hours of Wagner at the Met make you snooze, the combination of dinner and an intimate opera cabaret may win your heart. Sing Your Way Out of Stress ! Many of those magnificent arias are about miserable subjects, but set to music, even misery can be beautiful. Even if you’re not Caruso, try singing about your troubles (if only in the shower). Turning your troubles into song will be entertaining (at least for you) and you may cheer up – unless your neighbors bang on the walls or complain to the cops 🙂

Susan (“Dr. Sue”) Horowitz, Ph.D.

Book: “Queens of Comedy” (Lucille Ball, Carol Burnett, Joan Rivers, Phyllis Diller, and more!) www.smashwords.com/books/view/219367

Musical: “SssWitch”: www.ssswitch.net

www.YouTube.com/drsuecomedian https://www.youtube.com/feed/my_videos

Dr. Sue Drama Desk Panel Broadway Stars Positive Entertainment

Blair Underwood

The Drama Desk luncheon at Sardi’s offered plenty of food for thought with a stellar panel of celebs from Broadway plus other media. Blair Underwood, starring in A Streetcar Named Desire (formerly of TV’s L.A. Law and Sex And The City) is the first African-American to play Stanley, the brutish Polish husband of a southern plantation belle. (A minor script adjustment removed his surname “Kowalski”.) As explicated by Underwood, his non-traditional casting is historically accurate since the New Orleans French Quarter has been long known for inter-racial mixing and there were free blacks as far back as the early 1800’s (some of whom owned slaves). Cynthia Nixon plays a brilliant cancer patient in Wit, directed by Lynne Meadow of Manhattan Theatre Club (also on the panel). Nixon’s current role, complete with a shaved head, is a far cry from her portrayal of the red-haired lawyer in Sex and the City (Blair was her love interest in several episodes) though both roles share an edgy, in-your-face wit. What’s next for Cynthia? Perhaps working on new play: “The role becomes tailored to you as an actor, and since you know the character so well, you can become a resource for playwright.” Or perhaps a gender-bending take on Shakespeare’s Othello. “I would love to play Iago because I like to talk. Iago is so fascinating, delicious, and hard to understand.” Lynn Meadow, Nixon’s director, helms the Manhattan Theatre Club (MTC) which mostly focuses on new work. “When we do a revival (like Wit) we ask, why is it appropriate to do now? Also, Wit has never had a Broadway run.” When moderator Elysa Gardner, (USA Today theater critic/Drama Desk Board Member) asked about stealing (aka being “inspired by”) ideas from other productions, Meadow noted: “We all ‘steal’ from each other. The previous Longwharf production of Wit stole its use of curtains from our MTC production of Ashes, so by using curtains in Wit, I’d be stealing from myself.” What about the influence of iconic performances of a famous role – like Marlon Brando’s Stanley in Streetcar? “We all bring our unique voice to a part,” said Blair Underwood. Michael McKean (starring in a revival of Gore Vidal’s The Best Man) added: “I saw four major actors (including Al Pacino and Jason Robards) portraying the same role in an O’Neill drama, and they were each very different.” Hunter Parrish, a twenty-four year old who is playing Jesus in the revival of Godspell asked himself: “How do I emulate someone like that? Everyone has his own idea of Jesus. For two hour period, I play Jesus as a cool, young teacher – which he was!” Whether you are theatre apprentice or a senior craftsperson, live theatre presents a challenge to live in the moment – no matter how often you’ve done the role, who may have done it before you, or what a director, producer, or audience might think of you. As Meadow puts it: “Part of our profession is having access to our childlike playfulness.” I agree – plus having access to theatre savvy, funds, talent, and everything else it takes to bring a Broadway brainchild to a Drama Desk Award! Happiness/Success Habits Stretch Your Mental Hamstrings: Casting an African-American as Stanley Kowalski gives audiences a fresh look at caste, color, and character in New Orleans. A female Iago would open new, fascinating questions about jealousy, secret lusts, envy, etc. Beg, borrow, or steal inspiration – then re-combine, re-interpret, add new elements, and make if your own!

Susan (“Dr. Sue”) Horowitz, Ph.D.

Dr. Sue New Tang Dynasty Media Chinese New Year Positive Entertainment

Dr. Sue Jose Pinto Stephen, Musician with Pipa

I just had the pleasure of attending the New Tang Dynasty (NTD) TV’s New Year’s reception – a celebration of the revival of traditional Chinese Arts. The date fell between the Western and Chinese New Year – and provided many East Meets West moments – a traditional Chinese tea service in one room and a cocktail bar in another; models in costumes inspired by ancient dynasties posing in front of a Christmas tree; a demure, musician playing a pipa (traditional stringed instrument) – while in other rooms, programmers sat at computers producing NTD television –technically sophisticated international, multi-lingual cable and webcast programs. NTDTV sponsors Shen Yun – http://www.shenyunperformingarts.org/ – a multimedia feast of Chinese dance, music, costume, cultural costumes, in a blend of live performance and digital projections of a classical landscapes and spiritual visions. Shen Yun tours internationally and performs annually in New York around Chinese New Year. NTD also sponsors other cultural events throughout the year – musical, dance, fashion, and culinary competitions. In fact, our hors d’oeuvres were made by a master chef and competition winner. One of my first words in Chinese is “ho mei!” – delicious! Here’s another photo from the reception – photographs by Photographer/Writer Jose Pinto Stephen (who is in the top photo). I’m wearing my East-Meets-West black and red jacket! Happiness/Success Habits: Enjoy cultural diversity! There is so much to learn, savor, and share! Your real kindred spirits may – or may not – come from your own background. Why limit your friendships to people who look or sound like your relatives? Life is like a rolling cart of steaming dim sum (Chinese dumplings) – you have to sample a few to find out what’s ho mei!

Susan (“Dr. Sue”) Horowitz, Ph.D.

Dr. Sue Book Expo: Barbra Streisand, Gayle King Positive Entertainment

Gayle King & Dr. Sue

BookExpo America at the Javits Center is an annual conference of book – and celeb power! Here I am chatting with Gayle King right after she interviewed keynote speaker Barbra Streisand about her new book My Passion for Design.

As you can see, Ms. King is dressed in tactful off-white. After her close reading of Ms. S’s text and taste, Ms. King changed her wardrobe (three times) and repainted her toenails! (La Streisand hates hot yellows!) “Too bad,” laughed King, “We could be homies!” Making nice, Streisand allowed that she does like “butter yellow – creamy yellow.”

One of Streisand’s fav colors (revealed in her book) is burgundy – maybe because as an anemic child, she was sent to a health camp where she wore a standard blue uniform. The only individuality she was allowed was a sweater of burgundy wool.

Barbra Streisand

Ms. S also adores pink – like the hand-knit wool sweater over a hot water bottle that little Barbra used as a doll substitute. “I don’t regret being poor,” says Streisand. “We couldn’t afford dolls, so I learned to use my imagination.”

That imagination, belief in her own potential, talent, and meticulous taste has taken Barbra from Brooklyn poverty (where an “ugly” couch was a beloved luxury) to a world of historic homes and Tiffany lamps.

As Streisand and King wondered about the secret of Tiffany’s deep ruby reds, I suddenly realized that I knew it. I had just picked up this tidbit of information from a dancing partner – Dennis Lynch, stained glass expert/collector/designer/restorer:A Stained Glass”.

Tiffany used to drop a twenty dollar gold piece into the red glass when it was liquid. You can see this effect in Tiffany lamps and some stained glass windows- often in old churches. This golden secret is known only to stained glass connoisseurs. The effect is exquisite!

Streisand fills her own homes and jewelry boxes with treasures – that she may only occasionally use or wear. She loves antiquing – “the fun is in the hunt.” Also, unlike many celebrities, she doesn’t enshrine her numerous awards in glass cases – in fact, they’re stored in hard-to-find rooms off the main living areas. Why? “I think it’s egotistical to display them to your guests” shrugs Streisand. “Besides, I like to look forward and out – not back.” Looking out, Streisand plants (and replants) her gardens in colors that extend the hues of her interior designs.

This same fastidious attention to detail shaped the perfection of her song recordings – which Streisand no longer listens to. Nor does she have a favorite song. When Ms. King asked her to pick one, Streisand said, “Don’t ask me that! That’s like asking me to pick a favorite child. I don’t want to offend the songs.”

Streisand’s musical artistry is beyond question – plus, of course, her talents as an actress and director. Now it seems, she is also a gifted photographer (she took all the photos of her gorgeous homes for her book, selected and revised architectural designs, and supervised construction (“My voice got hoarse, shouting over the machines”) .

Flowing through Streisand’s design sense is a theme – the tension of opposites – masculine vs. feminine. She’ll throw a crushed velvet fabric (feminine) over an oak wooden frame (masculine).

So where does Streisand stand in this yin-yang push-pull rhythm of the sexes – and gender stereotypes? She has, after all, been accused of being a demanding control-freak – and she does admire an architect who demanded revision when a construction was 1/16th of an inch off. (Streisand barely tolerates a misplaced inch on a distant ceiling beam and visibly winced at Gayle’s question “Who would know?” Barbra, it was clear – would.)

Streisand sweeps back her long hair with an elegant feminine gesture, and said, “I strive for excellence.” When a man does it, we say he’s assertive; a woman does the same thing – she’s pushy. A man is a perfectionist – a woman is a pain in the a**!”

Does this perfectionism extend to the decorating taste of husband James Brolin? Streisand shakes her head, “I honor his vision – though I do wish he would cover his television set – I can see it when I exercise…maybe a nice mahogany cabinet….”

Happiness/Success Habits:

Use your imagination, believe in your potential! A hot water bottle can be a doll. A poor, fatherless girl without conventional prettiness can become, as Streisand sang in Funny Girl – “the biggest star! ” By the way, Funny Girl was based on the life of Fanny Brice, another poor ethnic girl who developed exquisite taste.
Surround yourself with beauty – even if you can’t afford Streisand’s magnificent homes, you can bring home flowers and have fun coordinating colors – including the color of your eyes. Notice how Streisand’s silvery blue couch and wrap compliments her eyes.
Bring life – animal or plants into your your own life and home. Notice Streisand’s dog in the book jacket photo and her love for flowers.

Have a passion for excellence – but allow for the “imperfections” of life – the bumps in the handwoven fabric, the partner who loves big televisions when you hate them, the unusual, interestingly shaped nose – that colors Streisand’s unique vocal tones…

Susan (“Dr. Sue”) Horowitz, Ph.D.
Motivational Speaker-Author-Educator

Book: “Queens of Comedy” (Lucille Ball, Carol Burnett, Joan Rivers, Phyllis Diller)
smashwords.com/books/view/219367

“Rainbow To Oz” A Modern Musical! RainbowToOz.com www.rainbowtooz.com

https://www.instagram.com/horowitz30

youtube.com/user/drsuecomedian/videos

Dr. Sue Theatre Museum Positive Entertainment

Theatre Museum

Theatre Musem Panel on Broadway Theatre: Dr. Sue Horowitz with Tony-Award Winners

Stewart F. Lane: Broadway & Film Producer (4-Time Tony Award Winner) Joe Franklin: TV/Radio Personality (Author of 23 Books) Charles Strouse:Composer (Annie, Bye Bye Birdie, 3-Time Tony Award-Winner) The Theatre Museum Annual Awards Event at the historic, elegant Players Club in Manhattan is a gala, festive event that honors live theatre! Attendees include Stewart F. Lane, Executive Director and multiple Tony-Award winning Producer, Helen Marie Guditis, President of the Board of Trustees, and a brilliant bevy of Broadway stars, composers, producers, play publishers etc. The Theatre Museum (dedicated to preserving and celebrating our American Theatre heritage) sponsors museum exhibitions like “Showboat Round the Bend” and “Brooklyn Sees Stars” and arts education at the Village Academy in Harlem’s after school enrichment program. My personal connection began when I was invited to appear on a panel about ethnic contributions to Broadway Theatre with luminaries like Stewart F. Lane, Joe Franklin, and Charles Strause – and I’ve been a fan ever since. The Annual Awards Ceremony combines awards, live performances, and a cocktail party. Chief awards recipients include the Sherman Brothers (Robert and Richard) – a songwriting team with five decade career, two Academy Awards (for Mary Poppins -score and “Chim Chim Cher-ee” -song), the worlds’ most translated and performed song (“It’s a Small World After All”), a ten year tenure as staff writers with Walt Disney, two current hit shows (Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, and Mary Poppins) plus the National Medal of Arts. Whew! When Richard, a dapper, erect, self-proclaimed octogenarian sits down at the piano to play and sing, he clearly knows knows a thing or two (or rather, eighty ) about both songwriting and staying young and vibrant. Thomas Schumacher, producer, Disney Theatrical Productions (The Lion King, Aida, Mary Poppins and The Little Mermaid) presented the award to the Sherman brothers and commented that their song “Feed the Birds” (exquisitely sung by Sarah Rice -Broadway/Opera/Grammy singer) was Walt Disney’s favorite song. Other award recipients include Samuel French Publishers (founded in 1830) – whose books and stores feature plays, musicals, translations, songs, etc. (award presented by Tappan Wilder, nephew of Thornton Wilder); and the Mint Theatre (Obie and Drama Desk Award winner),who present neglected but worthwhile plays from the past ( award presented by Actor George Morfogen). Interspersed with the award presentations (mc’d by Master of Ceremonies Tony Bolton) – like spotlit cameos- were performances from the Sherman songbook by Broadway stars. Tony-Award winner Jim Dale sang a duet from Busker Alley with sequined singing sensation Jessica Grove. There was a trio of trios: harmonizing children, an updated Andrews Sisters-esqe group called “United We Sing” and a glee-some threesome from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. The songs were tuneful, hopeful, and innocent – family entertainment at its best – and a major part of what has revitalized Broadway. As I was nibbling on my post-ceremony strawberry dipped in chocolate, sipping champagne, and gazing at those Players Club portraits of theatrical greats, I think about how lucky I am to be even a tiny part of a this “small world” of live theatre!

Susan (“Dr. Sue”) Horowitz, Ph.D.

Dr. Sue Conflict Resolution Positive Entertainment

Resolving Conflict Conflict seems to be part of nature and human life. Animals fight over turf and access to desirable mates. So do people. We fight for territory, mates, survival, dominance, and a host of other complex issues. Some disagreement seems to be inevitable, but how much we fight, how we fight, and how we resolve conflict have a major impact on our relationships, health, success, and happiness. If, like myself, you’re interested in living a happy, successful life with minimum conflict, here are a few suggestions. Prevention is easier than cure – to avoid conflict and stress –

Be slow to accuse. Allow for misunderstanding, your own errors, and good intentions. Ask for clarification.
Phrase things in neutral ways. Saying that something is missing is less confrontational than accusing someone of taking it. Saying you don’t understand the discrepancy between a C- exam and a A paper and asking for an explanation is less confrontational than accusing someone of plagiarism. (They can still redo the paper).
Avoid disrespectful, hurtful language. Words and phrases like “Shut up! ” “Stupid!” curse words, ethnic/religious slurs, sexual slurs (like “slut” ), homophobic remarks, etc. escalate conflict and create bad feelings.
Cooperate with a reasonable request: Don’t defend or justify. Just do it.
Rudeness does not require a counter-attack. Try to set limits without escalating.
Useful phrases: “What do you think?” “How do you feel about…?” “I’m sorry.”

If you are already in a conflict situation, here are a few suggestions.

Vent safely: write it out, talk to someone you know you can trust – preferably not in your office or connected to the person you’re in conflict with. If you’re a celebrity, be very careful about this.
Vent physically: Exhale sharply several times. Then breathe deeply and slowly. Exercise. Walk around the block.
Do a CPA: How did I Create, Promote, or Allow this situation to occur. Even if we think the other person is 99% in the wrong, there is still that annoying 1% 🙂
Speak to the person in private or over the phone when it’s convenient – public accusations tend to escalate into fights. Ask if this is a good time to talk.
Write a letter or Email – revise several times until you can do it without accusing. Writing gives you a chance to control your communication and keeps you at a distance. In-person communication is what you ultimately need for intimates – even if you email first.
Try to include at least some of the following in your communication.
Compliments – is there anything you like or admire about the person? Say it.
State the facts and state your feelings Keep your dignity. There’s no need to put up with disrespect or to lie – and no need to make negative generalizations about the other person’s character.
Make the other person at least partly right: A lot of conflict is about being right, so tell the other person where they are right and what you learned from them. Empathize with their situation.
Look for ways to agree /look for common goals and values. Don’t pretend to agree where you do not or promise to change behavior that you have no intention of changing – just focus on what you have in common.
Apologize where appropriate and where you can be truthful. You can be sorry that you offended them – even if it was unintentional.
Wish them well. Why not ? It costs you nothing, and makes you feel gracious.

If the other person continues to fight, you don’t have to. Stop emailing, get off the phone, walk away. Give everybody a chance to cool off. Ask yourself: is this really worth fighting for? If the answer is yes – then go for it! Don’t give up your own dreams or dignity to avoid conflict. Conflict is not always bad – sometimes it’s the price we pay to live a full life. But if, in the grand scheme of things – and your life – it’s not really that important, ask yourself – would I rather be right or be happy? If you would rather be happy, then let it go- and enjoy your life!

Susan (“Dr. Sue”) Horowitz, Ph.D.