I just got an Email from “HOTEL HELL” a reality show who wants to help desperate HOTEL, MOTEL, OR B&B owners turn their business fortunes around. HOTEL HELL offers to send a team of experts to “troubleshoot problems…and get you back on the road to success.” The E-mail tells me to “Contact us NOW!”
As I read the E-mail, my thoughts drift to Norman Bates, the shy, yet homicidal motel owner in Alfred Hitchcock’s movie “Psycho.” I wonder if HOTEL HELL can help him. So I write my own E-mail in Norman’s name.
“Dear Hotel Hell,
Thanks for your offer. I am the owner of the Bates Motel (actually a co-owner, with Mother) I need all the help I can get, what with dirty bathrooms and nosy detectives. I’d also love to make a killing on reality TV! I went down to the cellar and asked Mother’s permission. She said, “Take a stab at it! In life you have to take what comes. You have sunshine, and you have showers.” Based on her advice, I decided to write.
Mother and I are having a lot of trouble running our motel. Actually, I’m the one who runs it. She is elderly and ill, and mostly stays in our house next door. I’m a very shy person. I have a hard time making friends. Usually the only people I talk to are the people who check into the motel. I can’t really make friends with our motel guests because they only stay for one night. Besides, Mother is jealous of everyone who checks in. I guess she wants me all to herself. I need help fixing up the motel – especially the showers which are wearing out because I have to clean them so often. Please come to to troubleshoot (if I don’t trouble-stab first – ha ha! just a little joke 🙂 ) And be kind. As I mentioned, I’m shy.
Sincerely, Norman aka Mother Bates
Within minutes, I get an E-mail from the team at Hotel Hell
“Thank you very much for your email. Our casting team will review.
In the meantime if you are an owner – please log on to our website for the application.”
Never feel like you’re dumb or crazy – there’s always someone dumber and crazier – and they make big money on Reality TV